After owning gyms for so many years, I have heard just about every excuse for being late or missing work, at least I thought so until I heard these. Coaches and instructor’s excuses for absence must equal or exceed the following:

“I had a fever.”
“What kind of fever?”
“Uh, Spring?”

I was sprayed by a skunk.

I tripped over my dog and was knocked unconscious.

My neighbor dumped a load of sand in my driveway and I can’t get my car out.

My bus broke down and was held up by robbers.

I was arrested as a result of mistaken identity.

I gained weight and din’t have any clothes to wear.

I forgot to come back to work after lunch.

My girlfriend’s husband is dying and I have to be there to console her.

I’m having car trouble. I went to a rock concert last night and my car is changing colors.

The front door fell off my house.

I couldn’t find my shoes.

The train had a flat.

I hurt myself bowling.

I’m taking your advice. I’m having my head examined.

I was spit on by a venomous snake.

I know you write down a list of everyone’s excuses, so you pick one.

It’s a very bad hair day.

I’m blocked in my driveway by a HazMat Truck.

I came down with a bad case of something or other.

I totaled my wife’s jeep in a collision with a cow.

When I woke up, my clock said 8 p.m. and I thought I already missed work.

A hitman was looking for me.

I’m having car trouble. The trouble is that I’m not in it yet.

I can’t get the car out of the garage, because the garage door is broken.

I have an appointment with my psychiatrist.

My biological clock needs to be reset.

I locked myself in the bathroom.

My curlers burned my hair and I had to go to the hairdresser.

I eloped.

My keys are locked in my car, my car is locked in the garage, and my wife already left for work with the key to the garage.

I have to have my watchband let out.

We’re trying for a baby and my wife says today is our best time.

I didn’t want to be late for work again, so I am calling in sick.

My cat has a headache and I have to take her to the vet.

I’m calling in scared. I am “afraid” that I am not coming in today.

My agoraphobia is kicking in.

The chain came off my bicycle.

My daughter stole my money and I am out looking for her.

I have jury duty.

I dreamed I got fired, so when I woke up I thought I didn’t have to come in.

I can’t come to work today. Same reason as last time.

I can’t come into work today because of eye trouble…. I can’t see working today.

I don’t have a good excuse, so can I use a bad one.

I dropped my keys in the snow and I’m waiting for to to melt.

I’m waiting for the cable guy. I’ll be in next week.

I’m having a baby nine months from now.

I can’t come in today. My hair is still wet.

Macy’s is having a sale.

I had a pet emergency.

My brain went to sleep and I couldn’t wake it up.

I thought it was Sunday.

I have to pick on my kids. (pick up?)

My cat unplugged my alarm clock.

I can’t come to work because I have no hot water.
I had to be there for my husband’s grand jury trial.

I had to ship my grandmother’s bones to India.

I can’t coach today. My brain is full.

My broker says he has to talk with me about diversification.

I had to see my son’s probation officer.

The babysitter didn’t show up today so I can’t come in to work.

The dog ate my car keys. We have to hitchhike to the vet.

I forgot what day of the week it was.

Someone slipped drugs in my drink last night.

A tree fell on my car.

I squeezed to much toothpaste out of the tube and it took me all day to get it all back in.

My monkey died.

Make a comment and give us your own best excuses or the best ones you’ve heard.